Sunday, April 10, 2011

you know you just said that outloud, right?

I read a blog post awhile back basically saying what you shouldn't say to an adoptive parent.  At a baby shower yesterday, I think I heard 98% of these comments.  ugh. 
  • It all started with - is she yours? she's called me Mama/Mommy/Mom at least 10 times since we sat down (and also dug through my purse searching for chapstick which she then applied).
  • Then we moved on to "your husband isn't Oriental is he?"  "oh so you must have adopted her" - ding, ding, ding we have a winner. 
  • followed by "so what made you decide to adopt" - would you ask the mother-to-be why she decided to have a baby?  just going out on a limb & guessing no
  • now my all-time fav "why China, you know there are alot of kids here in the US needing families" - I was a little tired of the inquisition at this point & said something to the effect of "you do just realize you are asking me why I didn't adopt a different child, right...when my daughter is on my lap?" and added that we did what was right for our family because China was where our daughter was.  Yes, there are alot of kids in the US needing families - there are a heck of alot of kids worldwide (est. 147 million) needing families.  Coop said one time "doesn't everybody deserve to have a Mom & Dad?"
  • and it gets better "so, how much did she cost...I bet she was expensive"  yeah...just so you's illegal to buy a baby.  If you are interested in adopting, I'd be happy to talk to you about the whole shabam but otherwise, if you really want to know how much it costs to complete an adoption you can check out many different agency websites.  Again, would you consider asking me how much I paid to deliver my other two kiddos?
  • and lastly "wow, she speaks really good English" - yeah, she has lived with English speaking parents for the last 20 months
so yeah...I'm bitter...I hate that people feel it's ok to ask adoptive parents questions that they would never dream of asking about biological kids.  I hate thinking for a split second that someone looks at her differently than they look at my bio kids. 

Now that I got all of that off my chest - anybody still here?  I'll leave you with the better part of our weekend
"I wike dis ice cream cone"
"it's a mewtin...I dirty"
"oh I so sad"
check out the muscles in this kiddo's legs
on a mission...probably tattling on Coop
Coop helping plant a new tree
and then the weekend went a bit sour - the neighbors dog bit Chloe's accident, she's fine but poor girly!

Ni Hao Yall


Nicole said...

From Sunday Snapshot - love this post! We haven't brought our DD home yet but it will be very interesting to hear what ppl have to say. I loved your comment back though, that was great!

Virginia said...

Saw you on Sunday Snapshot and I just had to say, like Nicole, that I loved your response to her question. I, too, have gotten everyone one of those questions you listed, and I'll add to that list "so where are her real parents?"..uggh. By the way, your daughter is absolutely adorable!!

Gin =)

Tonia said...

I loved this post! We aren't even very far yet, but the things people say are just insane! My faves--"wouldn't it be cheaper to justhave another baby?", "Aren't you afraid your child will be Communist?", "Why would you adopt when you still have eggs left?" Oh, and let's not forget when you tell people and they look at you. Dead silence. What is wrong with people!!!!

The Wickershams said...

Uhhh how annoying! People can be so ignorant it's amazing...we would love to adopt from another country at some point so I will def have to get the details from you. She is so precious!

A Case Photo Place said...

Oh Kristi! The nerve of people, I swear! I love how you handled it though. You go girl! Poor Chloe with the dog bite. OUCH! Have a good week. Love reading your blog!

Kevin and Michele said...

uggghh, what a pain. I hope Piper is not understanding all of the meaning behind people's comments yet, and too bad your other one had to hear it all. Great response though!

Martha said...

Oh! I so hear you! We've been home with our baby girl for one month...and another mom at a church event told my daughter that she was "spoiled" because she was crying and fighting sleep and wanted me to just hold her. I had a lot of stuff boiling on the inside to "tell her" and I probably will next time! People are crazy!

Merrill said...

I've gotten many of those comments--the one about "does she understand English" always made me laugh. The strangest question I got was at the grocery store..."What mix is she?" Recently had someone rant at me about everyone who adopts internationally instead of right here at home. It never really stops...I've been at this for 8 years now.

Jolene and Dan Powell said...

I can get so annoyed about this too. At times I don't mind if Ty isn't within earshot and the person is just genuinly curious, but when people are just trying to pry for info in an insensitive manner, then it's really annoying. And babyshowers are the worst! I remember about a month before bringing ty home everyone just oohed and ahhed over the prego mamas, but for me it was, "Oh yeah, you're getting your son too aren't you.." Idiots.

Hunan Mommy said...

Great post! I have heard it all, especially with a kiddo that has a visible sn. Peope need a filter on their mouths.


Football and Fried Rice said...

Ouch, that dog bite is really something!

I never get questions (about China/adoption) from random strangers - but its almost worse when it's your "friends" that ask you the stupid questions!

And "Oriental"?!?!?! That makes me laugh!